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 Post subject: Satire?
PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2017 7:02 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 13, 2014 10:34 pm
Posts: 23
Location: Santa Ana, CA, US
Preamp for sale

Gingerly used in my fourth system. Oh no, not my first system and not even my second system, rather I used this preamp only in my fourth system. I considered installing it into my third system, but I got a bit waylaid while setting up my office system. This is all very important because I am very assertive with my first system, but always behave gingerly with my fourth system. I don’t believe in the use of remote controls; that would be a sign of weak, slothy behavior unbecoming of a true audiophile. I hold a black belt in karate and when I adjust the volume on my first system, I approach my high end kit with a Kung Fu Panda-full reverse-back-spin-round-house-MMA-drop-kick and make it a point to really rock the volume knob solidly against the five O’clock hard stop. But that would only be appropriate with my first system. With my second system I definitely only use it respectfully. With my third system I try hard to only use it seldomly. This creates much confusion in my life because once I listen to my third system I am never sure exactly how long I have to wait before I can use it again and still maintain seldom use. The fourth system, however, is only used gingerly. I even make it a point to actively listen gingerly so as not to cause any unnecessary wear and tear on my speaker’s tweeters. When I am feeling really pumped up I listen briefly to Bach chamber music at low levels, but mostly I gingerly listen to monotone Tibetan Monk prayer chants. I don’t think I’ve ever clipped my McIntosh MC2KW monoblocks. In the unfortunate event that my neighbor’s tattooed, mohawk-wearing, punk-ass teenager decides to crank some Sex Pistols on his Cerwin Vegas I quickly cover my fourth system with a hypoallergenic baby blanket to minimize any damage. My speakers are 243 dB sensitive, so the whole system has never been taxed. When I plug into the wall it's loud enough, so I have never gingerly turned the volume knob past seven O’clock. Also, I have seven preamps in my fourth system that I rotate regularly and gingerly. I am quite anal about rotations and will stop right in the middle of my favorite gingerly played song to gingerly rotate my preamps. So you see, while this preamp is indeed fourteen years old, it only has 27 hours of usage. Or wait, maybe it’s 26. It is without a doubt the very best preamp I have ever heard and I really hate to let it go, but I have decided to take my kit in a different direction. Um, I’m moving to tubes. Yeah, dat’s it, tubes. Otherwise I would never let this prime preamp out of my sight. As an added bonus to you, lucky buyer, it has only been used in my dedicated laundry room, er, listening room which is a smoke free, pet free, child free, wife free, girlfriend free, love free (except I love my preamp), life free room. I don’t even turn the lights on for fear of unnecessary light particle wear on my precious preamp.

I think you should buy it.


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 Post subject: Re: Satire?
PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2017 1:13 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2010 2:00 pm
Posts: 465
Location: Ft. Myers, FL, US
Maybe attempted satire?

Reminds me of an ad that I posted many years ago on the 'gon. I was trying to sell my Nordost Silver Shadow digital cable. This cable was every bit as good (if not better...) than the digital cable du jour that everyone wanted: the vaunted Kimber D60. But the Silver Shadow was kinda under the radar and no one really knew about it other than Nordost aficionados.

So the SS ad just sat there for a few weeks with nary an inquiry. So one night while I was under the influence of some very potent ganga, I rewrote the ad as a medieval knight-in-shining-armor kinda fairy tale, with Sir Silver Shadow versus the dastardly evil Sir Kimber. Oh yes I did. And it was fully fleshed out, probably 750-1000 words.

The silence was deafening. I thought at the very least I'd get a few replies notifying me that I was a few bricks shy of a load. But nothing for about a week until I received a decent offer from a guy with only a basic grasp of the English language. He probably struggled mightily to get through the gist of what the ad was trying to say. Poor guy. Must have fried his brain. So my storytelling adventure was all for naught, completely wasted on a fella who couldn't possibly comprehend it.

At least he bought the cable but it certainly wasn't because of my peculiar writing/storytelling capabilities. I only wish the ad was still in my 'gon archives so I could post it here. Who knows...maybe I could get discovered and score a kids book deal.

_________________
If ignorance is bliss then why are so many people unhappy?


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 Post subject: Re: Satire?
PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2017 1:38 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 13, 2014 10:34 pm
Posts: 23
Location: Santa Ana, CA, US
I love it. My smart aleck, or . . . creative writings almost never get any response. Oh well. As they say try, try again . . .


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